The Yo-Yo Effect

Woke up today and had a nice workout and enjoyed my health smoothie designed for a dialysis patient.  Then I prepared myself for the first training session of the morning.  Had a great time with mentoring a new personal trainer and then I went to dialysis.  Now 2 out of 4 times have blown my fistula where the blood pools inside my arms and it swells up the size of a grapefruit, which causes a lot of pain and mentally is depressing because it makes me have to rest the fisula for another week before they can start double-needling me again.  This means a longer period before I can get my catheter out, and I can start training in the water, without so much strain on my fistula.  The nurse feels bad about this and I feel bad for the nurse, however, I also feel very frustrated with the process.  And with this frustration, leads to anger and then sadness.  However, I cannot allow myself to have much time feeling sad because it doesn't help me.  So I have to turn the chip over and ask for brightness which allows me to be happy.